Lately, I have been working on fully accepting my body. I think this is a common issue for people in general. I tend to believe that women are faced with impossible versions of themselves more often than men on media, but the truth is, when you live in a world that has ideals of beauty and you may or may not fit them, there is a consequence that comes from comparing; it can trigger anger, sadness or, if you really lucky, acceptance and just not giving a f#$k.
I know my body is amazing, everyone’s body is really amazing. The way our cells work, the way our blood runs through our veins, how we breathe and how our heart beats is truly a miracle. We are walking miracles. Our bodies are vessels that are constantly on the go and, for the most part, we mistreat ourselves pretty frequently. About two weeks ago I wrote a blog about transitioning to becoming a pescatarian/vegetarian and started being a lot more active than before. I have been successful. I am incredibly excited to get to the point where it doesn’t cross my mind anymore, where it is just my lifestyle.
My body has had a rough time from the get go, I was super premature (2 pounds), at 16 I broke my neck, at 31 & 32 I fought two cancers and won, I have had over 13 surgeries and even though my vessel has a lot of scars, at 36, I am at a point where I know that if I don’t love myself totally and fully- no one else can. I am saying f*&k it to impossible ideals, but I am saying “Let’s do this!” to eating well, exercising and being at a healthy weight. I want to treat myself well, I want to take care of myself like a treasure, like a one and only treasure- which you are too!
On a practical level, I am about to spend three months in a bikini and in the past, I have tried to cover my scars. There are many bikinis I wouldn’t even consider, but I know that I can’t and don’t want to do that anymore. My most visible scars are from a DIEP Flap Surgery, that took 19 hours.
Prior to the surgery, my body had rejected the implants and I had a hole in my left breast. I could literally put my finger in and feel the silicone (for pictures of my journey click here). It was a very exciting summer as I saw the little hole grow, realizing that there was something wrong. When I got back to Austin, I had to go to the plastic surgeon. I really just wanted him to sew me up and walk away, but Dr. Weinfeld had another plan. He said, “You deserve to be beautiful”. In survival mode, after fighting for what seemed forever, I had stopped considering that I deserved to be beautiful because all I wanted was to be done with cancer and done with surgeries. It didn’t quite work that way, the DIEP Flap was a success and the recovery went well too.
Two years later, I don’t want to hide anymore, I want everyone out there that has scars – or not- to know, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
If someone ever judges you for your scars or thinks they take away from your beauty, walk away from them with your head high. Your scars are reminders of where you have been and what you have conquered.
Embrace your unique kind of beauty! I know I am!
Expect some pictures in the future on Instagram where you can see my scars!
I DON’T WANT TO HIDE
I AM BEAUTIFUL!
& YOU ARE TOO!
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