Bumble, Dating, WTH? #TheStruggleisReal

I have been on Bumble for about three months and gone on two dates. I knew that it would be challenging because of my previous post “The Paradox of Choice & Vulnerability in 21st Century Dating“. I was just not prepared for how exhausting dating has become. Establishing a few hour long friendships through authenticity and vulnerability isn’t for the faint of heart.  My first date was with a great guy that I never saw again because his dream was to move to Ohio. I hope he took the advice I gave him, “MOVE to Ohio!”. The second one was with a handsome man who was having to navigate the complications of parenthood and his divorce. We all have baggage, right? I don’t mind helping people unpack, but I can’t feel like a therapist at the end of the date (which I did). I am not even sure how I used to meet guys before online dating? Walking down the street, at conferences, traveling… Through friends?

I won’t lie, I did have a few more lined up, but I canceled, and I felt bad, and then my friend Freddy made me feel better. I also think he has a good point.

Ps: Mark is married- I went to his wedding! It was beautiful and they are very happy.

If you are reading this you probably are looking for a partner too. I mean you probably want to find the right one just as badly as I do. Actually! I want him to find me! Come’on already! Tee hee. If you have found each other, please comment with your story!!

I see Facebook friends posting about relationships, and doing really amazing things to come into who they are meant to be- physically, mentally and spiritually- yet they are in the same boat as I am. I know a lot of amazing, beautiful, intelligent single women. (yes,  I am like that too 🙂 )

Guys, there are great girls out there! I feel like I should start a dating site, where I play cupid! I am sure I would do better for others than what I have been doing for myself.

Ok, #truth, I have gone on a few good dates, just not from any dating app. Call it weird coincidences that introduced people into my life. Nonetheless, this particular guy who says the right things and one on one it is perfect has yet to make my heart feel safe. There is just a part that doesn’t fit. Here is what my wiser self-knows: THE BALANCE IS OFF. I could tell you the why and the how, but you know when the balance is off. Right? You do, don’t ignore it. I set a goal to hold things with an open palm this year and I am doing exactly that, #walkingaway .

Are you asking yourself what the hell this post is about? Here it is DO NOT LOSE HOPE! The same way we can’t control anything in life, we can’t control when we get to chose to love the right person (if you love the wrong person and you know it- walk away!). I fell in deep infatuation with a guy at yoga class Tuesday and I could have said something, but I didn’t and I am leaving it up to destiny to see him again  He could be the one? But I have to get to know him and see how the balance is. Just remember, your standards are not too high, you are not being too picky, you are not lonely even though you may be alone sometimes- open up that big heart and let the vibe call your tribe. He is there, I know my guy is 🙂 and he fucking awesome 🙂

I hear you, I AM moving to Spain in May yet, I still want to fall in love and have it be magical and life-altering. Maybe it won’t be in Austin, maybe it will.  I find comfort in this story:

A year and a half ago i wrote… –
When i met Pablo at Play acroyoga festival it was my last weekend in Austin, Texas. After a longer than expected six weeks i was keen to hit the road again. I told him i was leaving right after the festival for New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Nevada and where ever else my heart took me.
He showed me his van that he had built out to live in and i showed him how i was living in my Prius.
He asked if he could follow me on my journey and i thought that was just about the coolest question ever, so i said yes.
Neither of us could’ve known how it would work out but you never know until you try.
If you don’t take the chances that are presented to you, how will you ever know the answer? #vanlife meets #priuslife

Things have certainly changed since this photo but we are just as happy as we were back then, mostly because Nalu.🐶😻 | Follow her here.That is incredibly beautiful, right? I do love love oh so very much! I love to have people in love around me and I think when love beckons you, you follow it, as long as there is a balance.  As Kahlil Gibran says:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

 

So there you have it. A brief summary of dating in my world 🙂  I hope you enjoyed reading! If you have any advice or feedback, please give it to me 🙂

 

Namaste,

 

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